Diamond Head Dream by James Coleman
I left Hawaii last week.
I had been meaning to write earlier but I just . . . couldn't get myself to. I think of that saying that goes, life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. I like to think that while I was in Hawaii I was just living life forwards; and now that I've left, I can reflect backwards. I'm not sure how valid of a reason for not writing that is but . . . it'll have to do. I'm here now, writing to you.
I got good rest on the island of Oahu. After spending the first three weeks still stuck in I-want-to-get-things-done mode, I finally shut down and allowed myself to rest. This year has been the busiest and craziest of my life—it was refreshing to have time to fully relax.
I spent a lot of time doing nothing. I went on long walks with my phone on airplane mode. I watched white terns fly across the backdrop of the Koʻolaus. I watched rainbows form and dissipate over the Ala Wai Canal.
I fixed my attention span. And then I lost it, after redownloading Twitter to follow the FTX situation. And then I got some of it back. I hope that one day I’ll be able to take in conscious experience the way I could when I was five years old, immersed in that state in which the world feels porous and open, paying total attention to my present surroundings instead of being stuck in my head. (Ava writes about that state here, in a great essay I revisit every so often.)
The nicest thing about Hawaii was probably just getting to spend so much time with my aunt and uncle. We usually only see each other for short periods of time, so it was awesome being able to do daily life with them. I learned a lot from them.
We spent good time cooking together—my kitchen skills improved to the point that I’d now call them kind-of-okay. We experimented with liquids as well—I had fun learning to craft drinks. We enjoyed local food: ube ice cream made at Henry’s Place, a literal hole-in-the-wall nook; salmon musubis from 7-Eleven; seared stingray fin and miso butterfish at Bozu, a wonderful sushi restaurant run by Chef Katsu.
And we went on a lot of hikes—Makapu‘u, Hanauma Bay Rim, Koko Crater, and others. Koko Crater was my favorite: just over 1000 steps one-way. Tiring but incredibly rewarding.
I unfortunately didn’t read as much as I hoped I would. There were two longer books I thought I could get through but by the time I left I was only roughly 6% and 14% done with them, respectively. I did watch a decent amount of TV though, lol. Andor was brilliant. All Creatures Great and Small was really good. I watched Death Note for the first time as well—also brilliant.
As I was in LA, I was inspired by a Q&A session with a visionary filmmaker: this time, Stacey Hayashi, a software-engineer-turned-movie-producer who wrote Go For Broke, a film highlighting the underappreciated story of the Hawaiian Americans of Japanese ancestry who fought for the U.S. in World War II. I’m impressed by filmmakers because of the long timelines necessary to bring their visions to life. Stacey worked on Go For Broke for 15 (15!!) years after she raised money to fund it. It was sheer conviction and dedication that resulted in the completion of this film, a belief that this story needs to be told. In an age where content is created so easily and things burn bright and fade so quickly, that type of effort applied across time strikes me as remarkable.
One other experience I’ll mention was the time I met Kalei Gamiao and Corey Fujimoto at a ukulele shop they help run in North Shore. If you’re unfamiliar, they’re world-class ukulele players who were (and still are) big inspirations of mine. They’re super nice in person—it was really cool getting to talk to the ukulele heroes I had grown up watching, and it is always, always cool finding out that people you’ve admired over the internet are just as awesome in real life.
It’s hard to summarize a span of almost two months. So many things are inevitably omitted. (And as for the things included, I feel like I haven’t even described them well. I think of the phrase experience precedes language.) Well . . . it is what it is. This is the TLDR: it was a great trip. I had a lot of fun with my aunt and uncle. I got the rest I needed.
A big thing I took away from my stay was a renewed appreciation for consistency. There’s this agentic idea that at any given moment you can change your life. This is true, especially with respect to your attitude and approach toward things. But it’s easy to forget that substantive change is often the result of consistent effort applied over long periods of time.
There was a part of me that thought that once I had few obligations I would suddenly become, like, this 10x version of myself. I was half hoping I would land in Hawaii with my personal problems left behind, like baggage forgotten at the airport, leaving me free to make great progress on all these fronts. But 1) I just needed to rest, and 2) . . . of course not.
It takes time for the brain to form new neural circuits. Muscles take time to grow. Change—substantive change—often requires consistency over long timelines.
From a Mary Oliver poem: Who can travel the miles who does not put one foot in front of the other, all attentive to what presents itself continually?
It was truly such a special time with you, and two months went by so quickly! I so agree with you about being in the moment. I think this year’s theme has got to be ‘presence’... paying attention to the wonder that is all around us, fully being immersed in doing one thing at a time, savoring each God-given moment of our ‘one wild and precious life’. Happy new year!
Damn I’m jealous. I really need to take time to relax and do nothing; I always feel like there is a constant extreme barrage of information at me at all times and it’s very overwhelming-- but I constantly feel guilty if I’m not “productive”, even on winter break.
Also, I’m planning to watch death note after I finish breaking bad